I am nervous. I can admit that. When I am about to try something new or take on a challenge, I get that way. I don’t always feel that way, or if I do I usually get over it quick. I hate to make big decisions in life when I know it may affect people around me and I truly care for who it may affect. So what to do?
There is growth in me, and a few things I rather not touch. When it comes to say my personal life, I try to sway away from certain feelings because it’s not developed yet. I guess when things seems it’s going to get dirty, I like to stay blameless. That goes for family, relationships and career wise. When I do something I like to own it. If I fail at something I choose to do, I own it. I think I have grasped the technique of adapting and adapt very well as I may say. I study people. When you see me not smiling, I which I don’t normally do, I am in deep study mode. I am reading body language, I am photographing you in angles, I am decoding your every structure and I am waiting. It’s cool to wait, they do say having patience is a good trait to have. Well trust me I wait and I wait. So in that effect I get nervous and anxious.
Nervous because I know what I want to do but don’t know after what I do what will be the outcome. But then I get anxious because I want to do it. I like the mystery I like the challenge, I love action. I live for action words. I am very much a doers than a feeler. Are you an action person or are you a feeling type of person?
So in a few weeks I am going to make some very big decisions and it might change my life from how it is going right now. I have lived fearlessly through sacrificing things I love just to evolve from where I was. This feelings reminds me of my younger self. I always this obedient young lad living in Jamaica, until after a ton of nervous feelings and anxious thoughts, I decided to create an action. I needed to change, I needed to be better, I need to learn myself more.
There are a few things I been needing to learn and set my focus on. Some will say it’s too late to be learning these things, because they see age as a limit factor in their lives, I am ready to surpass a few limits I set before myself. Change is necessary for growth. I want to grow.